I have memory lapses sometimes where I’ll look at something I wrote and have no recollection of writing it. It’s weird. It happens rarely, very rarely, but it’s still weird. This is one of those times. Here’s the outfit, though, and you can click here to get to my blog and check out this phantom post.

I’m in love with Ryan Howard from the Office. I liked him how he was, before they rewrote his character to be ridiculous. I loved him more when he had some depth: when he didn’t want to be with Kelly but still somehow was, when he was the corporate exec and she was still yanking his chain, when he came back and she was with Darryl and he was trying to steal her back.

But when they had him pull that ‘trip to Thailand’ crap, I knew that the Ryan I truly loved was gone. But the Ryan on the screen was pretty funny and still really good looking, so I wasn’t too bitter about it. :)

He became a real hipster, though, didn’t he? It’s adorable. Here is the outfit I chose to recreate. Click here to get over to my blog and see what I did with it.

When this post was originally drafted, I wasn’t watching Glee. I don’t think Glee existed yet. So I just kind of put this outfit together.

But now that I’m looking at it again in my quest to actually update this Tumblr, it strikes me as something Emma Pillsbury, the guidance counselor on Glee, would wear. Emma totally goes for the monochromatic look with a little cardigan and feminine details.

Click here for the full post including all links to the articles of clothing used.

Okay, guys. I’m going to try to get this Tumblr up to date and KEEP it up to date. We’re pretty far behind (about 300 posts) but posting a couple a day should get us back on track.

As always, if you like something, feel free to reblog! :D Even if it’s just to say, “OMG WHAT IS THIS CHICK THINKING A BLIND ORANGUTAN HAS MORE FASHION SENSE THAN SHE DOES.”

:|

I opened up my inbox this morning and the first thing I saw was an email requesting that I knock off this outfit worn by Kristin Kreuk to some CW party or whatever. She plays Lana Lang on “Smallville” (apparently that show is still on; I know, I was surprised, too) and dear Lord, my brother has been in love with her FOREVER. And she’s as cute as a button, so whatever, he’s right.

Let’s see what I came up with…

Kimchi Blue Brushed Surplice Dress in Black ………. $38
Nuncio Reptile Pump in Green ………. $39.94
Beaded Diamond Shape Earrings ………. $8.90

Simple is so stunning sometimes, yes? As is alliteration, almost always.

We’ve got a basic black dress with half sleeves, and it’s paired with emerald/green/teal shoes in reptile print (that’s big this season) and matching dangly earrings.

As always, wear at your own discretion. You’re the best judge of whether you can wear something to work or not; I don’t know what the atmosphere there is. I’ve seen really casual firms (where one lawyer always wore cargo shorts) and I’ve seen really formal firms (where every associate wears suit pants, a white oxford, and a tie every single day).

It’s up to you to figure out whether the outfits I suggest – particularly those with quarter-sleeved tops, particularly high heels, or dangly earrings – are appropriate for your office.

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Jesus. What is this woman wearing? No, really, I want to know. WHO SIGNED OFF ON THIS? WHOEVER IT WAS, AISHA, HE OR SHE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. Trust me. Trust the Hoomster. The Hoomster is your friend. Or at the very least, a beguilingly chipper hanger-on.

That dress is hideous. I’m sorry. It really is, though. The weird cut-out at the chest that looks more like a little tear because it’s not big enough to be properly daring or hoochie-ish, the weird chopped up asymmetrical hem…No.

Girlfriend’s got legs, though.

I took a stab at turning this look (which I dislike, duh) into something that could be worn into the office if you want to rock a pretty turquoise.

Maggy London Floral Wrap Dress ………. $48.90
Bandolino Berry in dark brown suede ………. $49.99

I picked this turquoise floral dress – wrap style, big surprise. I find myself leaning toward wrap dresses because they are the most flattering for the most different body shapes. That is, for the most distinct kinds of body shapes. Whatever. You know what I mean. This kind of dress is going to be flattering if you are petite all over, if you have hips, if you have curvy thighs, if you have big sweater puppies, whatever.

You’re welcome.

It’s got short little sleeves, so throw on a cardigan if that’s not appropriate at your office. I’ve seen some pretty casual offices, so use your own judgment, as always.

I veered away from turquoise shoes like Aisha’s just because it’s different to get a sense of what kind of turquoise that is from just a random picture on the website, and mismatching your shades of turquoise won’t do you any favors. If you’ve got something that matches, by all means, go for it!

I took the safe route, however, and opted for these brown suede shoes. Brown always works with turquoise.

And there we have it: Aisha Tyler’s look, unfugged.

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So, who watches SNL? Everybody? Great. So you’ll know what I mean when I say that this past weeks SNL, starring January Jones who plays Betty Draper on AMC’s “Mad Men,” wasn’t the best. In fact, it was probably the worst one this season. Tied for worst with the episode that The Great Philosopher Megan Fox hosted.

:-|

And if you don’t agree that the Great Philosopher episode was horrible, you are a boy and you’re just blinded by bewbs, which proves you’re dumb and you’ll do anything to see some sweater puppies, in which case I’m not interested in talking to you until you realize THAT LIFE EXISTS BEYOND SWEATER PUPPIES GODDAMN.

The thing is, it felt a lot like the SNL people just kind of stuck January there, or stuck her in the background, and the actors just kind of awkwardly fumbled around her. The same thing happened in The Great Philosopher Megan Fox’s show. They didn’t know what to do with her, so the writing wasn’t that great, and the fact that neither January nor The Great Philosopher have any sense of comedic timing and just seemed stiff and nervous and painfully unfunny didn’t help. Contrast that with the episode hosted by Taylor Swift, for example, where the writers clearly enjoyed playing up her tweenie queenie status and put her in sketches where she was the shrieking teenager surrounded by awkward parents, or the cutesy roommate, or stuff like that.

Anyway.

So Andy and I usually end up watching SNL together and when the show started, this is what followed:

Andy: I don’t understand this opening monologue.

Huma: I think we would if we watched Mad Men.

Andy: And why is a month hosting my show? Who is this chick?

Huma: It’s January Jones.

Andy: I don’t know who that is.

Huma: She plays Betty Draper on Mad Men.

Andy: I don’t know that show.

Huma: Well, the actress in the red dress is playing that secretary character, the one played by Christina Hendricks, who has HUGE bewbs.

Andy: [silence]

Huma: Hold on, I will find you a picture to drool over.

Andy: [waiting patiently like a good little boy]

Huma: Here we go. Click.

Andy: OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS CHICK I HOPE SHE’S ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.

:-|

Andy’s life revolves around sweater puppies.

But that’s okay, we’ll forgive him, because he doesn’t constantly warble on about how ‘awesome’ The Great Philosopher Megan Fox is just to see me fairly WRITHE IN RAGE AND THROW THINGS EVERYWHERE unlike, say, my little brother. Also, he gave me Halls Harvest Peach cough drops today because I wanted candy and it was all he had. The pure honey centers turned out to be SO gross, but he couldn’t have known that, so it’s all right.

ANYWAY.

I’m fairly sure I had a point.

Yes. The awesome thing about Mad Men is that the women all dress like sexy secretaries, which is a look I happen to love. So I put together a little look today that kind of brings in those elements. Let’s take a look.

Tweed Pencil Skirt ………. $27.99
Bebe Silky 3/4 Sleeve Tunic in black ………. $49
Ankle Strap Pumps in black ………. $19.99

 We’ve got this cute grey and white tweed skirt that hits below the knee, and we’ll just tuck the silky tunic top into it. And of course, cute ankle strap pumps. I wanted to choose funkier ones, with this cute ribbon thing, but they would have put me a dollar or two over the limit. :( Sadface.

Anyway, yes, here’s another retro look inspired by sexy secretaries.

Since I’ve kind of ripped on SNL’s last episode during this whole post, I’ll end with this: The sketch about the party was the best one of the evening, and it was actually pretty funny. When this sketch came on, that nerd Andy was all, OH MY GOD THIS IS YOUR SKIT. Because apparently, I act like the main character here, played by January Jones. :-P Haaaa.

Click the picture to go to where the clip is hosted on Hulu, since WordPress won’t let me just straight embed.

Well, I *do* address women like the hostess in the skit says. :-P I guess y’all got me there.

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So I’m kind of feeling red, white, and black again. I don’t really know why. I just know that I like mixing red in, and my favorite colors to go with it are black and white. I know there are tons more options, and I’ll get around to those eventually, but there’s something so classic about red, white, and black.

Here’s a quick, somewhat random look I put together. What? I’m in one of my moods today. Leave me alone.

Mod Colorblock Dress ………. $27.80
Fashion Focus Red Flower Belt ………. $27.00
Shiny Patent-Look Flats in Scarlet ………. $19.00
Nordstrom Leggings ………. $22.00

 I picked this color block dress because it has sleeves and a loose, relaxed shape. You’d cinch it in at the waist with the red flower belt for that hourglass shape, pull on the leggings and step into the shiny flats for an effortlessly chic look.

That’s the great thing about this color combo: you’ll always look put together and sharp, like you really paid attention to what you were doing, when you just saw how painfully simple that whole process was. Just throw it on and go! Rock dark eyes or a red lip – not both, or you’ll look like a whore. When applying makeup, pick one feature to play up and go light on everything else for the best results.

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So here’s a new twist on my normal Business Casual Superstar series, just to keep things from getting boring. Occasionally, I’ll be posting pictures of outfits that I abhor and then systematically unfugging them. I won’t post a ton of outfits I hate because, normally, when I hate an outfit, it’s just beyond hope. But not all bad outfits are hopeless, like this one worn by Agyness Deyn.

Let’s unfug this up a little, shall we? Oh, let’s! Oh, do, let’s!

Cotton Twill Shift Dress in Pavement ………. $19.99
Ruffle Trim Jacket in Eggplant ………. $37.90
Herringbone Tights in Black ………. $5.49
Sole Puzzle Shoes ………. $24.75

So I went with a grey shift dress that hits at the knee and has a cute little scoopneck.

Purple works very well with grey, so I picked this girly, ruffly purple cropped jacket that will sit right above the hip (most likely) and add some deep, rich color.

Then we’ve got these shoes. I don’t know, they’re chunky with the heel and they look kind of cute, so I went with it. And the tights are a must.

You might want to experiment with the hues/saturation here; maybe go with a paler grey dress, something like a heather grey, or a more vibrant purple for the jacket. Whatever you like. You know.

I’d add an armful of silver and bronze bracelets, or a chunky silver/grey cuff, something like that. Maybe a sparkly silver ring and a grey/silver headband with something interesting going on. My mother put me in lots of headbands as a kid, and luckily, I saved a few of them, so I wear them now.

I wear them ironically, of course.

Duh.

>_>

<_<

Right. I wish I was cool enough to wear headbands ironically.

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OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I am in so much pain. Last time I enter a jalapeno eating contest for a grand prize of $5M. And by ‘jalapeno eating contest for a grand prize of $5M,’ I mean pissing contest for bragging rights. Seriously. Worst. Decision. Ever. Because now,  a full twelve hours later, my insides are on fire.

But I won! :-D I smoked the competition like you wouldn’t believe. Thank you, Indian subcontinental constitution. Heartburn? Ulcer? Liquified GI tract? Pffffffft. I laugh in the face of your weak bodily disorders. Or I would, but it hurts to do anything but sit in the fetal position.

BUT I WON.

And Eustace is soooooo proud, because this jalapeno eating contest added another floor, I think, to the little house he’s built in my tum-tum. He’s hoping for a tennis court next, but I’m out of crushed red peppers and chili garlic chutney, so he’ll just have to wait until the next time I go to Target.

IwonIwonIwon. And I might have made one of my competitors cry a little. Hahaha. All the more sweet.

Guys, this is why I am what is called a boy-girl. I think like a boy. Almost ALWAYS. Everyone tells me this. My girly aspects are crushed by my  boy-brain that tells me being jealous or petty or insecure or wanting to snuggle is dumb and I should get the hell over myself and see who can chug that thing of root beer faster, or go watch a demolition derby thing or get in my car and drive for three hours or go tinker with that broken clock or something.

I’m also OBLIVIOUS to romantic signals from the opposite sex. Shit just doesn’t compute. While you’re pining away for me, I’m trying to see which one of us can throw rocks at cars (0r nerds) with the most consistency and accuracy.

Anyway, so, yeah. I’m in tremendous pain because my penchant for bragging rights (it doesn’t really matter what these bragging rights pertain to, just that they are mine) is so strong, so if this post deteriorates into random tick marks, you know that I’ve probably taken hand and fled to have my tum-tum pumped. Or replaced altogether, which, frankly, is the most attractive prospect right now.

But until then, let’s talk of pretty things.

Cotton Rib Belted Polo Sweater Dress ………. $49
Eva Shoe ………. $24.99
Chain Strap Satchel  in Cooling Cranberry ………. $18.47

I picked a pretty sweater dress from, shocker, Victoria’s Secret. It’s long, it’s got cute sleeves, a nice collar, and it’s silhouette skimming. Plus, you know how I feel about sweater dresses in general when they’re styled right: they’re just so classic and timeless and subtly sexy.

I paired the dress with a pair of black shoes that tie in with the buttons and the ribbon on the deep, rich, cranberry colored bag. It stands out from the neutral dress and the plain black shoes, and luckily it’s a cute satchel with an adorable ribbon. So we’re good.

Oh, God. Pardon me while I go vom.

Keep it classy, Hoomster.

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